How much do you internalise the messages from people and media around you? How have these messages shaped your personality? How much of your thinking and your behaviour is influenced by these messages and images?
How visible should you be, what should you wear or not wear, how you should or should not fit into the world of work, how sexual should you be, how relevant are you and so it goes on. How deep is the impact of living and breathing in this atmosphere of restriction on your perception of yourself and how you live if you are in the second half of your life?
How much energy does it take to push back against all of this external noise and create a life that continues to expand and be relevant? A life in which we can keep exploring our potential and express who we truly are regardless of the multiple negative shoulds, ought tos, should nots and cannots of society.
This is not a rant about staying young. I would not want to be 20, or 30 or 40 again. My life is richer and more exciting than ever as I approach my 72nd birthday. This is about becoming conscious of how we take on board society’s perception of us as we travel through the second half of our lives. I’m keen to explore this…
I am an author, a therapist, an international healthcare educator, a theatre director and an aerial artist. I have noticed over the last 10 years how much energy I have had to use to push away the ideas society may have about what it means to be my age. And I am done with that!!
During my MA in Directing Physical Theatre and Circus recently, and the work I have been creating since, I have been immersed in the complexities of diversity and inclusion. Consequently, my eyes are more open now to how our society is currently constructed. I have become familiar with the social model of disability.
This has replaced the medical model of disability for many years now in most people’s eyes. It says that society creates disability by having an infrastructure that works mostly for able bodied people e.g. transport, access to many public buildings, lack of suitable spaces for wheelchairs in theatres and cinemas, and by building houses with narrow doorways and electric switches in unreachable places unless you are standing etc, by restricting job opportunities with poor access to buildings, by governments increasingly restricting access to work funding and unwillingness to embrace software to make laptops usable by people who are visually impaired or hearing impaired, by making theatre performances very loud and the seating very dark thus creating issues for people who are neurodivergent or have sensory processing issues (although some theatres are now offering some relaxed performances which bring house lighting up and lower the sound).
And more than this, ageism is deeply embedded in the thought processes of those around us which, in turn, are partly created by the structures. It is a complex vicious circle. Many people are partially or completely excluded from much of society. Their ability to work to be independent and contribute and fulfil their potential is often severely limited by all of these issues and more.
Living in a society like this as an able bodied and (almost) neurotypical person, I was for many years unaware of the ableism in the structure of our world and in the minds and thinking processes of many people. It is the deeper more subtle attitudes in people’s minds that comprise ableism. There is implicit bias deep in many people’s psychology as far as ageing is concerned, not just race or disability. Often people are not even aware of this and would deny it if they were confronted outright. However, this is why the process of unravelling all of this is slow and painful. If you find this hard to understand there are questionnaires on the Harvard website which you can do to find out exactly where your thinking is on these subjects.
Have a look at the implicit bias test on race here:
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/user/agg/blindspot/indexrk.htm
You may be shocked! This applies to race, disability and to age.
My favourite illustration of how we become other peoples’ perceptions of us and believe we are what they think we are, is the work of Sue Austen, an artist who became ill and needed to use a wheelchair in order to access the world. Austen realised quite soon that people began to see her as weak, limited and restricted and to pity her for being in a wheelchair. She then felt she was internalising their view of her. She was being alienated from her true self and changed as a result of peoples’ responses to her. Her reality was that her wheelchair brought her freedom and adventure. She decided to do something to change peoples’ minds and deeply engrained ideas of her disability.
Austen discovered that scuba diving gear enabled people to access the world underwater just as a wheelchair enabled her in the world above. She wondered what would happen if she put the two together and created an underwater wheelchair for deep sea diving. She created the wheelchair and made stunning videos of herself scuba diving in her wheelchair. It is a beautiful and breath-taking watching. It is fascinating and insightful to hear the comments she makes on her TED talk about this journey and how as she watched her TED talk audience, she was observing peoples’ brains making new circuits as they witness her new and unexpected frame of reference for using a wheelchair.
Austen decided to create her own story rather than live in the official narrative of disability.
Austen describes how ‘an arts practice can remake our identity and transform preconceptions by re envisioning the familiar.’
You are probably making the connections with ageing as you read this. Think of the road signs for older people crossing the road? Hunched over, frail, using a stick? Think of the way people might say to you ‘That was very good for someone your age!’ A deeply patronising comment and one which they would hate if it was reversed. Think of how we are supposed to retire or at least make our lives quieter, more comfortable, less active. When people talk to me and hear all the things I do, they might say ‘Oh you do like to keep busy!’ A comment they would not dream of making to a younger person describing a rich and full life. It is another patronising comment and I almost expect them to pat me on the head as they say it!
Do not be seduced by the inviting whispers of society lulling you into a smaller version of yourself. It is a trap. The whole notion of life becoming comfortable is deeply flawed as seeking comfort is the very opposite of what anyone of any age needs for physical and mental health. Read this book to learn more: The Comfort Crisis, by Michael Easter.
We are the generation to wake up and become conscious of how all the above is impacting us before it changes who we are and how we behave. We are the generation living longer and we can normalise being visible, relevant, active and creative for our whole life. We can change how people see us by writing our own stories. We can be lifelong valued contributors to the world. But it will take effort and a pushing back of those around us who think differently and not letting go of our bag of dreams; but taking them out and making them happen.
By using the arts or other means, by creating our own stories, we can witness other peoples’ minds change, we can almost watch their neural pathways reform as they reframe their ideas of what the second half of life might be about. We can be the frame of reference for these changes. This is activism at the deepest and most powerful level. This is how we create freedom for ourselves and for people following our journeys, for our grown up children, our grandchildren, our neighbours.
