Suzanne's Top Ten Sex Tips for Enjoying Sex Later in Life

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Suzanne Noble is the co-founder of Advantages of Age and of

Sex Advice for Seniors

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1. Slow down. Sex in later life can be leisurely because it can take longer to orgasm or to recover from an orgasm and be ready for another. Think of it as a journey rather than a race to the finish line. Take your time and enjoy all the pleasure (and endorphins) that sex can bring. As we age, the pace of our sexual activities often naturally slows down. Why not savour each moment and fully immerse yourself in the sensations of intimacy, whatever that means to you? We can discover new depths of pleasure and connection by letting go of any rush or urgency.

2. Experiment with toys. As women age, they can lose sensation in smaller nerves and become more responsive to vibrations. I like my bullet vibe to provide the extra stimulation I often need during penetrative sex. Incorporating sex toys into your intimate activities can be a fun and effective way to enhance sensation and pleasure significantly as our bodies change over time. Vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs can target specific erogenous zones you may previously have not explored and compensate for diminished sensitivity in certain areas. There are so many great (and safe) products on the market - look for ones made with medical-grade silicon that are safe to wash. Don't be afraid to explore and find what works best for you.

3. Use a cock ring. Dr Elliott Justin, the owner of FirmTech, recommends that every man over 50 wear a cock ring, which helps contain blood flow in the penis and maintain erections. I buy a pack of 5 stretchy ones that work out to about 50p each - they seem to do the job. For a more long-lasting option, check out Firmtech's MaxPR. Cock rings can be a game-changer for older men struggling with erectile dysfunction or maintaining firmness. They work by restricting blood flow out of the penis, helping to sustain an erection for longer. It's worth experimenting with different styles and materials to find the best fit and comfort level. As mentioned, more heavy-duty options like the FirmTech MaxPR offer prolonged support.

4. Schedule sex. If you're in a long-term relationship and not having as much sex as you'd like due to other commitments, put time for sex and pleasure in your calendar. Sunday afternoons are my favourite time to get together with a lover. Purposefully setting aside time for intimacy can be incredibly helpful, especially as we get older and life gets busier. By pencilling in "sex dates" or "pleasure time" in your schedule, you ensure that this vital aspect of your relationship doesn't get neglected or pushed to the wayside. It may appear prescriptive, but the payoff in connection and satisfaction can be immense.

5. It's not all about penetration. As we age, our bodies change, and male erections may become less reliable. There are many ways to experience pleasure - penetration is just one. Explore oral sex, mutual masturbation, massage, and more. Vary your sexual activities. As we age, it's crucial to expand our understanding of intimacy and pleasure beyond just penetrative sex. There are so many other sensual and erotic activities to discover and enjoy, from oral stimulation to sensual massage to mutual exploration. By broadening our repertoire, we can find tremendous fulfilment and satisfaction, regardless of any changes in our physical capabilities. Moreover, you may discover new ways of turning yourself and your partner on! If you don’t have a partner, have a date night with yourself. There’s no cut-off date in learning what turns you on and exploring your own body’s erogenous zones.

6. Arousal changes in later life. Where we may have felt spontaneous desire when younger, in later life desire often becomes more responsive. I get turned on by being touched and kissed intimately. Find someone you like, get to know them, and the arousal will follow in the bedroom. As we mature, our patterns of sexual arousal often shift from the spontaneous, unbidden desire we may have experienced in our youth to a more responsive, contextualised form of desire. Rather than waiting for the sudden urge to strike, we may find that intentional touch, affection, and emotional intimacy are the catalysts that ignite our arousal. This is a natural progression, and by understanding and honouring these changes, we can deepen our sexual and relational fulfilment.

7. Pharmaceuticals can help. Vaginal estrogen is a lifesaver for older women experiencing dryness or discomfort during sex. It's not HRT but a topical treatment that keeps the vagina healthy. Similarly, erectile dysfunction medications like Cialis and Viagra can help men maintain erections. Modern medicine offers several safe and effective pharmaceutical options that can help address the physiological changes that often occur with ageing. Vaginal estrogen treatments, for example, can alleviate dryness and discomfort for women, while ED medications like Cialis and Viagra can assist men in maintaining firm erections. And don't forget about lube - which should be in everyone's bedside cabinet. There are plenty of different brands, such as those produced by Yes! and Sutil which are safe and free of chemicals that may lead to yeast or other infections, such as those containing glycerin. Almond oil is another easy-to-acquire lube, but breaks down latex condoms. Find a sympathetic healthcare provider who can prescribe you what you need to enhance and prolong your sex life.

8. Set the mood. Take a bath together, give each other a massage, put on background music you both find arousing, and do something you both enjoy. Sex is better when you create the right environment for it. Creating the right mood and ambience can work wonders in enhancing our sexual experiences as we get older. Engaging in sensual activities like shared baths, massage, or other mutually pleasurable rituals can help us shift gears and fully immerse ourselves in the moment. By prioritising the overall experience and setting the scene, we can cultivate an atmosphere of relaxation, intimacy, and anticipation that elevates the quality of our sexual encounters.

9. Communicate your desires. One of the biggest mistakes in my marriage was not articulating what I liked and didn't like. If saying it out loud is too difficult, write it down on a note. Understanding each other's needs makes you a better lover. Openly communicating our desires, preferences, and boundaries is crucial for maintaining a fulfilling sex life, especially as we age. It can be challenging to be vulnerable and share our innermost wishes, but doing so allows our partners to truly understand what pleases us and how they can be our best lovers. If verbal communication feels too daunting, consider writing down your thoughts and feelings on a post-it note or letter you leave somewhere visible to be discovered. The key is to find ways to bridge the gap and ensure your partner knows what you need to thrive erotically.

10. It's never too late to improve your sex life. There are wonderful books out there that can help, like "She Comes First" and "The Multi-Orgasmic Man." Most importantly, have fun! Sexual pleasure is one of life's greatest gifts. No matter our age or stage of life, it's never too late to enhance our sex lives and explore new realms of intimacy and pleasure. Countless resources are available, from informative books to online guides such as those provided by Beducated, that can provide invaluable guidance and inspiration. The most important thing is approaching this journey with a spirit of curiosity, playfulness, and a willingness to experiment. After all, sexual fulfilment is one of life's greatest gifts, and it's the gift that can keep on giving, no matter how many birthdays we've celebrated!

Suzanne writes the Substack and podcasts at Sex Advice for Seniors as well as being the co-founder of Advantages of Age.