Sari Botton - writer, publisher of Oldster Magazine and Memoir Land on Substack

Easter Re-Stack of our Q&A with Sari Botton

Age

59

Where do you live?

Kingston, NY, USA

What do you do?

I’m a writer, editor, and teacher specialising in memoir and personal essays. Currently I publish Oldster Magazine and Memoir Land on Substack.

Tell us what it’s like to be your age?

Although I very much enjoy being my age, and the newfound confidence that comes with it, I find living on the cusp of 60 to be anxiety-provoking. It’s the first number since 30 that has freaked me out. It seems to come with a different level of expectations, in terms of being A Real Adult, and I guess I worry that I won’t be able to live up to those expectations. Some of this, I’m sure, comes from not having children, and by extension, grandchildren. In my mind, 60 is how old grandparents are, and I’m still over here having something of a protracted adolescence. Very Gen X of me! But I feel the most “me” I’ve ever felt, and that feels good. I’ve weeded out the false selves I created to get along when I was younger, and that’s freeing. It would all be much more freeing if I didn’t also have to deal with the arthritis that comes with age.

What do you have now that you didn’t have at 25?

I have a self-confidence I didn’t know was possible. I’ve always been so self-conscious and anxious that I wasn’t doing life right, and that I’d be ostracised for it. Part of that is self-knowledge, which you can really only develop while getting to know yourself over, say, 59 years. I also have developed boundaries, although they can be a little shaky.

What about sex?

I’m in a happy marriage of 20 years, and we’re pretty into each other. Menopause created a need for some adjustments in that department. Like so many women, I struggle with atrophy and dryness. I can’t more highly recommend Egyptian Magic for that.

And relationships?

Romantically, I’m happier than ever in my 20-year marriage. Friendship is challenging, but it always has been for me. I recently learned I’m on the low end of the autism spectrum, and I think that’s a factor. I had a Mean Girls experience in junior high that had a big effect on me. But I also think sustaining friendship, and negotiating groups of friends, can be challenging at any age. And the pandemic disrupted the natural flow of friendships in my life; it’s been hard to recapture it.

How free do you feel?

I feel very free, in some ways. I care less about people’s opinions of me. But I’m worried that the rise of authoritarianism in the US and other countries could interfere with my freedom, in many ways. It’s terrifying.

What are you proud of?

I’m very much self-made. I did not come from money, and I had no connections when I graduated from college, or ever. I’ve had to make my own luck, my own opportunities, often swimming upstream against forces that would gate-keep me. I’ve created books and publications that people love, in spite of all that. And I’ve given many opportunities to writers in similar or less advantageous positions.

What keeps you inspired?

My curiosity. I’m curious about other people’s experiences—of ageing, and of just living in the world—and that leads me to keep doing the work I do, with memoir and personal essays.

When are you happiest?

When I’m singing. When I’m writing something of my own that I’m just flowing on.

And where does your creativity go?

My creativity goes in a lot of directions. When I have time, I love to sing, and write songs, and play music. I like to draw with crayons and make comics, something I’ve been learning to do.

What’s your philosophy of living?

Be true to yourself, but be kind in the process. When we’re first learning to get back to who we really are—after throwing off false ideas of ourselves meant to please others—it can be easy to thoughtlessly hurt others. Over time, you learn how to be real without causing unnecessary harm.

And dying?

I often pray to Whoever Is In Charge of the Universe for an easy, painless death. I hope I’m able to tie up loose ends before I go, and not be a burden to anyone in my death—not financially or otherwise. I hope that by the time I die, I’ll have brought about enough good through my work and relationships that I can feel as if I’ve had an impact in this world.

Are you still dreaming?

I’m still dreaming! I have new goals and wishes arise all the time, and I can get lost in daydreaming about them. It’s a good thing, because some of my best work has come about that way.

What was a recent outrageous action of yours?

With my husband, I bought a piano. It was an expensive splurge, especially for people who are not professional musicians. But we are enjoying it immensely, at a dark time in the world. And it’s making me feel more creative in many ways.