Rebel Later Life: the ideas party – why did Suzanne Noble and I call our first ever conference this?
Rebel conjures up armed resistance and of course, we will not be armed except with words and ideas around how we can age in way that is different to some of the signals that we get from society/media. Advantages of Age is a community that challenges the cliched narrative, for instance, around retirement. We do not all want to retire and visit National Trust Gardens. We are more likely to be going to gigs and festivals. We are a community that are activists where we need to be – around ageism – and having fabulous fun when we want to.
We may be old and deliberately single, we may be old and childless or childfree, we may be gay, we may be in a Living Together relationship, we may have been married for years, we may have been in a partnership for years – but we are still out there learning about life and living it to the full as well as embracing our lines, scars and different bodies. We know we’re not young. We don’t aspire to being young, we do aspire to being healthy but we absolutely don’t claim to have the bodies of 30 year olds. We may wear a puce feather boa and a sparkling dress, we may be in the process of reclaiming crone and old but we may not have enough pensions nor have we done our Power of Attorney forms. We are not perfect. Or even all sorted.
Which is why this conference is so significant! There is still a lot to learn. About ageism, for instance. When we understand that repeatedly saying young lady to us is actually ageist, then we can challenge it in a good way. Or when a friend says: You don’t look your age, you can gently remind them that you do and that’s how it looks. We don’t all have to look young in order to have an abundant eventful life.
My father gave me the gift of rebeldom in that he was so strict but I refused to be cowed by his rules. I once hitched back from Greece with a friend when we were 19 without telling either parent. He was mad as hell when he found out on my return. But by that time, it was too late, I had done it.
The same spirit of doing it anyway pervades Advantages of Age. I don’t think we’re doing the age group thing like anyone else. And fortunately, companies like PensionBee, Lateral, Age UK London etc are beginning to realise that we are a rich source of liveliness on this front. Old and bold. Old and doing it our way. Old and leading the way on the relationship, embracing ageing and attitude front. We’re vivacious in our approach to life but also death.
We’ve got a How to Have a Funky Funeral panel and we’re hoping that the discussion will delve further into grief-sharing, what a death doula is and much more. Plus there will be the opportunity to attend a death café. We were having a pre-panel Zoom last week, and one of In the !00 year life – what do we owe our children panel was talking about a legacy letter. I’d never heard of one. And now I’m excited because it’s exactly what I need. A letter where I let my son know that he’s not responsible for personally caring for me if as I get older, I need support of this kind. I feel it’s important to relieve him of the guilt around this.
Pensions are so important and yet we so rarely discuss them. Many of us – me included – only have a state pension as we’ve been freelance all our lives and needed all our money to live on. What can we do to add to our pension? That’s another panel. Dr Lucy Pollock will be talking about Rebellious Later Life Medicine which means considering and talking about what might happen as we move towards death and how that can be a compassionate process. And various members of Advantages of Age are researching ways of dying like Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking as a way of choosing to die but not having to do it alone. This is important information for the future.
On the relationship front, we’re having a panel on Re-designing Your Relationship After 50 headed up by journalist, Lucy Cavendish and a talk on Can I Find a Partner After 50 by dating coach, Dr Mairi Macleod. And on the work front, there is John Spencer Williams discussing Creating an Income from Things you Enjoy.
Social media is awash with older women and men looking super fit (some of them are digital/AI creations) and inevitably we are affected by some of this tsunami of toxic positivity around ageing. The youth cult. In response, Jane Duncan Rogers will be presenting A Compassionate Guide to the Nitty Gritty of Ageing. The embrace. And Justine Gaubert, founder of the Crone Club will be running a Stepping Into Cronehood workshop.
And then you will be ready to glam up and have your photo taken by Peter Wallis in the Fabulous and Flamboyant photo booth. There will be boas, sunglasses, head dresses and more.
We hope that it is more than rebellious and that this will create even more of a tribe where we get old with the spirit of defiance and joy. That we celebrate and also exchange information. Rebellion in action.
Rebel Later Life: the ideas party is at Cecil Sharp House on Oct 10th during the day.
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