The Coachies - what a bunch…
Leaving Parkway station in Bristol at approximately ten minutes past ten in the morning. It probably would have been ten am bang on but I managed to jinx that by having a problem with an Uber app which stopped me booking a taxi in time. So yes, we were going to be the ones who were late.
We’re on a coach, myself and partner Ruth, along with 38 ‘Coachies’ on old friend, Kevin Allen’s inaugural Grand Detour. Destination North Wales. The Imperial hotel in Llandudno will be our base for the next three nights. An old Spa hotel on the seafront. Suitably well-worn and saved from refurbishment or even worse demolition. It was the perfect venue and included a swimming pool and fitness suite in the basement.
Book Tickets by clicking here.
Only fifteen minutes in - Cliff Richard is crooning Summer Holiday over the speakers. Followed by Mungo Jerry’s In the summertime. David Byrne’s We’re on the road to nowhere was a particular favourite. Kevin’s playlist was well matched for the occasion. Shortly after, Kevin briefs us over the speakers. We will be reaching a heady cruising speed of 50 mph. We’ve all been allocated a goodie bag with Bingo charts and dabber pen. There is an A4 instruction card along with a couple of nostalgic old style postcards ready to send to friends and relatives. There are some do’s and don’ts. all in typical tongue in cheek humour.
A wagon wheel and a tube of sweets and a few vintage copies of Forum or the lucky recipients.
A couple of years ago I was visiting my elderly mother (96 now!) at Morriston hospital near Swansea when she was recovering from a bout of delirium. I arranged to meet with Kev at the Railway Inn, Killay,Gower for a pint after a visit. He mentioned his latest venture which would be driving a coach on some alternative tours of exotic places in the UK and Europe. He would be gaining his PSV licence and driving the coach himself.
He’s always enjoyed driving, needless to say, earlier this year he passed with flying colours.
Captain Kev at the helm
So, we’re rolling along. First stop Swansea to pick up the Welsh contingent, then on to Aberaeron for a late lunch stop of fish n chips and spectacular honey ice cream.
Machclynlleth was the next stop after a brief stop at Carmarthen to pick up one or two more passengers.
Bearing in mind this was a long journey to get to the tip of North Wales, the driver has to have a certain amount of breaks to comply with driving regs.
Somewhere near Betys y Coed there was a rather dashing young man at the side of the road thumbing a lift. Of course, Captain Kev pulled over to pick this chap up, bearing a huge rucksack which contained his paraglider. He had been up in the air in the thermals from one of the nearby mountains. He looked visibly shocked when he enquired where we were going, as Kev told him we were part of a Swinger’s group off to a hotel for a saucy few days!
I think he may have been relieved to be let out a few miles down the road!
First officer Ray ‘Bunna’ Jones entertained us with banter and bonhomie.
Becky was also responsible for checking us in and making sure we were all present after each stop. She was a wonderful hostess. We had a school type rollcall which was replaced with a simple headcount after a couple of stops.
Kevin piloted us expertly and safely to the Imperial. We all disappeared to our rooms to emerge later for a drink or two in the hotel bar, only marred by a pretty dire rendition of Purple rain by someone who randomly stepped up. Their family thoroughly enjoyed it though!
The next morning it was off to the village of Portmeirion. The trip took us through some stunning scenery reminiscent of Austria or Switzerland at times.
Famous for being the set of the Prisoner back in the 60s, this crazy Italianate carry on was built and designed by Sir Clough Williams-Ellis between 1925 and 1975 in a baroque style and is now owned by a charitable trust. Bursting with colour and beautiful gardens with paddling pool and fountains, it is beside a beautifully unspoilt estuary. Beware the quicksand.
Apart from a coach/ stone bollard incident while parking, this was a great day.
Bunna was dutifully relieved of his marshalling duties from here on. There are still a few blind spots on a coach despite those massive banana style mirrors!
There were all sorts of nooks and crannies to explore.
Back to the hotel and a few of us braved a swim in the sea, which was very shallow and must have looked quite hilarious to onlookers seeing us trying to blindly navigate the murky water which concealed the odd boulder and stone to make us fumble and stumble. It was fun being enveloped in seaweed too!
Situated in the lower reaches of the hotel was a swimming pool and sauna which many of us took advantage of before breakfast.
Talking of breakfast - there was a large dining room and buffet style breakfast with the option to order kippers. Like many of these establishments these days the staff are a mix, with quite a few being from Eastern Europe.
Ruth and I came down to be shown to a large table where they were wanting to install us as part of the group, thereby freeing up smaller tables for the other guests.
We chose, however, to sit on a smaller table and a bit later, the woman who had asked us to sit on a big table asked why we hadn’t followed her instructions. Ruth feebly replied: “Oh sorry we didn’t hear you” to which she replied “I think you DID.”
Another of our party was asked and said something like “Oh, I haven’t taken my meds yet “… ”Let me explain to you how a hotel works”…came the quick fire reply.
Caernarvon
The next day was a trip to Caernarvon where we took the old Snowdonian railway to the village of Beddgelert where the coach would meet us and we had a pint/lunch/ ice cream stop. Fantastic scenery as the old train (the engine of which had been transported over from South Africa where it had been hauling fruit. There is something quite magically relaxing about trundling along at a maximum speed of 25 mph.
All in all this was a very successful first trip and many of us are looking forward to the next one.
And I mustn’t forget the onboard bingo with the inimitable Ray making up some of his own alternative ways of saying the numbers. We also had a quiz and on the last day what I will call Welsh roulette. Kevin marked numbers in chalk on the rear tyre of the coach. We could then pick a number. When we stopped at Swansea on the way home whoever’s number was at the 6 o’clock base of the tyre won the kitty. I’d picked 23….24 was the winner!.
And the photography competition. Becky handed out a Polaroid camera and willing participants were given half an hour with it to take a photo. Despite Norman and Amelia’s best creative efforts..getting up at the crack of dawn to film at sunrise,
the winner was deemed to Dave from Swansea. Please correct me!
His selfie of himself in a far too tight standard one size fits all bathrobe won hands down!
Ray ‘Bunna’ Jones - chief of bingo and banter
Arriving back at Parkway a little weary after several hundred miles over a few days, there was a medical incident involving Ricky which thankfully wasn’t serious and he was checked out by paramedics. Luckily there was a doctor onboard in the form of Helen Beales who was on hand to check his symptoms.
The original plan was to stop off at Aberystwyth on the way home for a lunch stop but this changed the day before as we in all likelihood would run a bit short in time and Kevin said it was “a bit of a shithole anyway”. Machclynlleth was the lunch stop instead.
In the words of Tolkien (which Kev used so I’m nicking it too) -
“ALL THOSE WHO WANDER ARE NOT LOST.”
I think I speak for everyone when I say it was a great experience and some of us knew each other but many of us made new friends.
Watch this space for the next Gran Detour to Torquay with a visit to the Eden project. This is from the 18-21 December with 3 nights and a 6 course Christmas dinner.
